The planning meeting was scheduled for Wednesday morning, and Claire spent the two days before it trying not to imagine the room. She knew the arrangement by now: Melissa and Daniel would sit with their folders, James would keep his hands clasped on the table, and she would try to listen without allowing every sentence to become a prediction about Lily’s future.
On Tuesday night, she found James in the nursery, standing beside the bassinet. Lily was asleep beneath a light blanket, her cheeks warm and round. The knitted hat Rebecca had made rested on the shelf above the changing table.
“You’re thinking about tomorrow,” Claire said.
James turned. “I was wondering whether we should ask for more time.”
“More time for what?”
“For the placement. For Lily to get older. For us to know what we’re doing.”
Claire understood the impulse. The longer Lily stayed, the more natural it felt to imagine her growing up in their house. But time would not necessarily make the decision easier. It might only deepen the attachments and make a transition harder if the agency eventually recommended another home.
“We can ask what options exist,” she said. “But I don’t think we should ask them to delay just because we’re afraid.”
James looked down at the baby. “I don’t want to lose her.”
“Neither do I.”
He moved closer and rested a hand on Claire’s shoulder. “Sometimes I think Anna knew this would happen. That she knew we’d get attached.”
“Maybe she hoped we would care enough to help. That doesn’t mean she planned for us to keep Lily.”
They stood quietly until Lily stirred. James leaned over and touched her tiny hand. She closed her fingers around his thumb without waking.
The next morning, Claire dressed carefully, choosing a dark blue blouse and the comfortable shoes she wore when she expected to be sitting for a long time. She packed Lily’s diaper bag, though Melissa had said the baby would remain with James’s mother during the meeting. The boys were at school, and the house felt strangely empty as they left.
At the agency, Rebecca was already waiting in the conference room. She rose when they entered. Her face showed the strain of someone who had spent too many nights preparing for an answer she could not control.
“Good morning,” she said.
“Good morning,” Claire replied.
They exchanged a brief, awkward smile. Neither knew whether to offer reassurance or keep the distance appropriate to the situation.
Melissa began the meeting by explaining its purpose. The agency had reviewed Rebecca’s home assessment, her references, the children’s adjustment, and the information provided by Lily’s biological father. The goal was to determine the next steps, not to force an immediate final decision.
“Rebecca’s assessment is favorable,” Melissa said. “There are still some questions about how the household will adapt, but we believe she can provide a safe and stable home.”
Rebecca’s shoulders lowered slightly. Claire felt a pinch of sadness that surprised her with its sharpness. She had wanted Rebecca to be capable. Now that the agency was saying so, the possibility of Lily leaving became more than an abstract concern.
Daniel continued. “We’ve also spoken again with Lily’s father. He remains unable to care for her himself. He supports placement with family if that arrangement can be made safely. He has not asked for immediate contact, but he wants a role in preserving information about Anna and Lily’s background.”
“Has he said anything about us?” James asked.
“He recognizes that you’ve provided care during a difficult period,” Melissa said. “He is grateful that Lily has been safe. He also understands that the placement was temporary.”
Claire folded her hands. “Does he have any objection to Rebecca caring for her?”
“No. He believes Lily should have a relationship with Anna’s family. He wants the agency to make sure the transition is handled properly.”
Rebecca looked down at the table. “I don’t want her to feel like she’s being passed around.”
“That concern is part of our planning,” Daniel said. “If we recommend a move, it would be gradual. We would increase visits, observe Lily’s response, and make sure she has familiar routines and comfort items.”
Claire thought of Lily’s favorite blanket, the soft humming James used when she became restless, and the way Ethan had learned to warm a bottle without spilling it. She wondered which of those things could travel with her and which belonged only to their home.
Melissa turned toward Claire and James. “Before we discuss recommendations, we want to hear from you. How do you understand Lily’s needs at this point?”
James spoke first. “She needs stability. She needs people who can meet her needs every day, not just when it’s convenient. She also deserves to know her mother’s family.”
Claire added, “And she needs the adults around her to be honest about what’s happening. We don’t want her growing up thinking she was unwanted or that anyone fought over her.”
Rebecca nodded. “That’s what I want too.”
Melissa asked whether Claire and James would consider supporting a transition to Rebecca’s home if the team recommended it. The question was direct, and Claire felt the room tighten around her.
“We would need to understand the plan,” Claire said. “But if the team believes that’s best for Lily, we would cooperate.”
James took a breath. “It would be painful. But yes. We would cooperate.”
Rebecca’s eyes glistened. She looked away, pressing her lips together.
“I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take her from you,” she said.
Claire met her gaze. “I know you’re trying to give her a home.”
For the next hour, they discussed practical details. Rebecca’s work schedule could accommodate appointments. Her partner had arranged leave for the first weeks if Lily moved in. Sophie and Max had begun preparing for the possibility, though Melissa recommended continued support for both children. The agency also discussed a written plan for sharing photographs and stories about Anna as Lily grew older.
The only unresolved issue was timing.
Melissa explained that the team needed to consult with the legal department and review the father’s formal position. They would not make a recommendation that day. Instead, they would meet again after receiving the final documentation.
Claire felt both relief and frustration. She had come prepared for a decision and left with another stretch of uncertainty.
Outside the conference room, Rebecca walked beside them toward the reception area.
“Thank you for being honest,” she said. “I know you could have made this difficult.”
“We’re all trying to do what’s right,” James replied.
Rebecca stopped near the door. “If she comes to live with me, I’d like to keep you in her life, if that’s something you want.”
Claire felt the words settle somewhere deep. She had been afraid that a move would mean losing every ordinary connection: the sound of Lily’s breathing at night, the warmth of her against Claire’s shoulder, the small daily rituals that had made the baby part of their household.
“I would want that,” she said. “But we’ll need to follow whatever arrangement is safe and appropriate.”
Rebecca nodded. “Of course.”
On the drive home, James kept the radio off. Claire watched a line of trees pass beyond the passenger window.
“I thought I’d feel better after the meeting,” she said.
“Did you?”
“No. I feel like we’re standing at a door and someone keeps telling us they haven’t decided whether to open it.”
James gave a tired smile. “That’s about right.”
At home, his mother had Lily settled on the living room rug. She was watching the baby kick at a soft toy, smiling as if Lily had invented the movement herself.
“How did it go?” she asked.
Claire gave her the short version. Rebecca’s assessment was favorable. The father supported family placement. The agency needed more time before deciding.
His mother listened, then looked at Lily. “She’s lucky to have so many people who care about her.”
Claire knew that was true. She also knew that being loved by many people did not guarantee an easy future.
That evening, Ethan asked whether the meeting had decided anything. Claire told him the truth.
“Not yet,” she said.
He nodded, then returned to his homework. A few minutes later, he brought her a drawing. It showed Lily in a small yellow dress, standing between four stick figures. One was clearly Ethan, taller than the others. The other three were Ben, Noah, and Claire. James stood on the other side, holding a large umbrella over everyone.
“Where’s Rebecca?” Claire asked gently.
Ethan considered the picture. “I didn’t know how to draw her.”
“You can add her if you want.”
He shook his head. “Maybe later.”
Claire placed the drawing on the refrigerator. She did not ask him to explain. The picture was a child’s attempt to hold a complicated family in one frame, and she wanted him to know his feelings had room in their home.
Before bed, Claire opened Anna’s letter again. She read the lines about kindness and help, then folded it carefully. She could not find a command in those words, only a hope. Perhaps that was all Anna had been able to leave behind.
Claire placed the letter beside the photograph and closed the drawer.
The decision was still coming. But for the first time, she understood that the adults were not simply choosing where Lily would live. They were deciding how to carry the truth of her beginning into whatever came next.
Click here to continue reading: PART 18: The Last Ordinary Week
The Phone Call That Dragged Me Back Toward a Future I Had Spent Years Learning to Abandon
Part 17 of 20
