On Wednesday night, I dreamed I had forgotten to pick up the children from school.
I woke before dawn with my heart racing.
For a few seconds, I couldn't remember where I was.
Then I heard the familiar hum of the refrigerator downstairs.
The house was still.
Grant was asleep beside me.
I sat up and rubbed my face.
I had spent years believing that if I planned carefully enough, I could keep the people I loved from being disappointed.
That belief had made me dependable.
It had also made me too willing to take responsibility for problems other people had created.
I went downstairs and started the coffee.
The kitchen table was empty.
No notebook.
No folded napkin.
Just the fruit bowl and a stack of clean plates.
I stood there longer than I needed to.
Thursday was one day away.
Kelsey still didn't know whether her employer could help with housing.
Grant still wanted to reassure her.
I still needed to protect my work and our household from a commitment that might last far longer than anyone admitted.
There was no way to avoid the decision.
When Kelsey came down, she looked at her phone before she looked at me.
"Nothing yet," she said.
I nodded.
"Maybe they'll get back to you this morning."
She sat down and rested her elbows on the table.
"I don't know what I'll do if they can't."
I poured coffee into my mug.
"You have a few options, even if none of them is easy."
She looked at me.
"I know."
But she didn't sound convinced.
I sat across from her.
"I don't want you to lose this opportunity. I really don't."
She stared at the table.
"But you can't leave the children here on the assumption that we'll keep them for however long it takes," I continued. "Not unless we've agreed to that, and we haven't."
Kelsey nodded.
"I understand."
I hoped she meant it.
A few minutes later, Grant joined us.
He asked whether there had been a reply.
Kelsey shook her head.
He frowned and took a drink of coffee.
"We still have time."
I looked at him.
"Time for what?"
"To figure something out."
I set down my mug.
"Grant, we have spent days trying to figure something out. We need an answer from the employer, and we need to be honest about what we can offer."
He looked tired.
"I know."
I wanted to believe him.
But I could see how much he wanted the uncertainty to disappear.
He wanted his sister to have the job.
He wanted the children to stay comfortable.
He wanted me to be happy with whatever arrangement emerged.
He wanted all three things without having to disappoint anyone.
That wasn't how life worked.
Sometimes helping one person meant asking another person to carry a burden.
Sometimes it meant admitting that you couldn't do everything.
The children came downstairs, and the conversation ended.
We ate breakfast.
Ruby asked whether her mother would still be leaving.
Kelsey knelt beside her chair.
"I'm trying to work out the best plan, sweetheart."
Ruby nodded.
"Okay."
Finn asked whether he would still go to school the next day.
"Yes," Kelsey said. "You'll go to school."
That seemed to be enough for him.
Ruby looked at me briefly.
I gave her a small smile.
She returned it, but her eyes stayed serious.
After breakfast, I drove the children to school.
On the way home, I stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things.
I bought milk, bread, fruit, and the cereal Finn liked.
I caught myself calculating how much food we would need if the children stayed another two weeks.
Then I stopped.
I didn't want to make a decision through a shopping list.
I could buy groceries because the children were here today.
That didn't mean I had agreed to everything that might happen tomorrow.
When I returned home, Grant was getting ready for work.
He had placed his keys beside the entrance.
He looked at the grocery bags.
"Did you get everything?"
"Yes."
He picked up his keys.
"Megan, I want you to know I wasn't trying to put this all on you."
I looked at him.
"I believe you weren't trying to."
He waited.
"But that's what happened."
His shoulders lowered.
"I know."
I wanted to reach for him.
I wanted to tell him that we would get through it and that I wasn't angry anymore.
But I was still angry.
More than that, I was disappointed.
"I need you to stop treating my willingness to help as something you can count on without asking," I said.
He nodded.
"I will."
I didn't answer.
I needed to see whether he would.
That afternoon, the employer finally responded.
Kelsey came into the kitchen holding her phone.
"They're still checking on temporary accommodation," she said. "They haven't confirmed anything yet."
I felt the tension return to my shoulders.
"Did they say when they'll know?"
"Tomorrow morning."
Tomorrow morning.
The same morning as her flight.
She sat down and pressed her fingers against her forehead.
"I don't know whether to go."
Grant pulled out a chair.
"You shouldn't give up the job because the housing details are taking time."
Kelsey looked at him.
"I can't just leave the children."
"We can help."
I watched his face.
He had said the words before.
This time, he seemed to hear himself say them.
He looked at me.
I didn't speak for him.
Kelsey looked between us.
"I need to know what I'm actually agreeing to."
It was the first time she had said that without looking as though she expected me to solve the problem.
I sat down.
"Then let's be clear."
We talked through the immediate choices.
Kelsey could ask the employer whether she could delay her start.
She could see whether temporary accommodation became available.
She could consider taking the children with her if she could arrange a suitable place for them.
Or she could ask us to care for them for a limited period, provided we all understood what that meant and what would happen when the period ended.
None of those choices was simple.
But they were choices.
I told her I could discuss a short, defined arrangement if we knew the dates and responsibilities.
I couldn't agree to an indefinite stay.
Grant listened without interrupting.
Kelsey nodded slowly.
"I don't want to leave them somewhere they're not wanted."
The words hurt.
I leaned forward.
"That's not what I'm saying."
She looked at me.
"Ruby and Finn are wanted here as children who need help. But I need you to understand that helping them doesn't mean I can take over as their parent without a plan."
Kelsey looked down at her hands.
"I know."
I hoped she did.
That evening, the children watched a movie while the adults talked in the kitchen.
The sound from the television drifted down the hallway.
Finn laughed loudly at something.
Toby joined in.
Ruby didn't laugh as often, but she sat close to her brother.
Kelsey kept looking toward the living room.
"They're going to miss me," she said quietly.
"Of course they will."
She wiped her eyes.
"I hate that I have to choose between getting my life together and staying with them."
I felt for her.
I really did.
But I also knew the children shouldn't have to pay for decisions they hadn't made.
"You need to make a plan that includes them," I said. "Even if the plan takes longer than you hoped."
Grant reached across the table and squeezed her hand.
I let him.
For once, I didn't interpret his kindness toward his sister as something taken away from me.
I wanted him to support her.
I wanted him to support me too.
Both things could be true.
Later, I helped the children get ready for bed.
Finn asked whether his mother would still be there in the morning.
Kelsey answered him herself.
"We're waiting to hear about the arrangements, sweetheart."
He frowned.
"Can I sleep in my own bed tonight?"
"Of course."
Ruby brushed her teeth quietly.
When I tucked her in, she asked whether I would still make pancakes on Saturday.
I smiled.
"If we're all here, we can make pancakes."
She seemed pleased with that answer.
I didn't promise anything beyond what I knew.
That night, I went downstairs and found Grant at the kitchen table.
He had written several dates on a piece of paper.
Beside them were school times and the days he thought he could help.
I sat down beside him.
He turned the paper toward me.
"I've been looking at my schedule."
I studied it.
The plan was still incomplete.
But it was a start.
He had finally done something more useful than telling everyone we would figure it out.
He had begun figuring it out himself.
Click here to continue reading: PART 8: By the Time Kelsey Checked Her Flight Details Again, We Had Finally Stopped Pretending That Love Alone Could Solve the Problem
One Ordinary Dinner Revealed That My Husband and His Sister Had Already Decided What My Next Several Weeks Would Look Like
Part 7 of 12
